In my next life, I’m coming back as a dude. I’m sure you can think of thousands of reasons why being a girl sucks sometimes, but here’s my top 5:
1. Getting your Period
If there is one thing men will NEVER understand, it’s this. If you really think about what women go through once a month, it’s really insane. We bleed for a week. Some of us are in immense pain that radiates to our knees and up to our necks. How do we function? How do we do this? I’ll tell you how. We are super human!!!! Men get a freaking cold and they’re bed ridden for days. We bleed from our vaginas and experience pain, bloating, nausea, diarrhea and mood swings EVERY SINGLE MONTH.
Guys, just picture having a stomach virus mixed with muscle soreness equivalent to doing way too many sit-ups/crunches, all while bleeding from your pee hole; a pee hole that you have to stuff with something so it doesn’t leak, or walk around wearing the adult equivalent of a diaper. I’ve lost hundreds of pairs of underwear in my life. Cute ones too! OH! and the worrying doesn’t stop there! You even have to worry when it doesn’t come, because that could mean you’re pregnant, or something is physically wrong with you. Men will never understand the struggle!
2. Doing your Hair/Makeup EVERY DAY
I think I can speak for many women when I say, if it were socially acceptable for us to shave our heads, we may consider it. We obsesses over our hair and everyone else’s hair 24/7. Why do you think celebrities all have fake hair? and glam squads that they wake up at 5am for? Kim Kardashian is known to take approximately 3 hours to get ready every morning, and she just sits there!!! I can only imagine how stunning I would look if I had that too. But its not real life.
Personally, I hate taking showers. Especially when I have to go somewhere and I’m pressed for time. No, I’m not gross and just wanna be dirty. Showering makes getting ready soooo much more timely and difficult. Men don’t realize this. They jump in, get clean, come out and throw on clothes. A woman’s process of getting ready starts even when in the shower. We usually shave some part of our body, or all parts, shampoo, condition etc. Then after we take a shower, we moisturize head to toe. Then, there comes hair products, blow drying, curling, straightening and make up application, and eye lash curling and all these things that men just don’t do.
Makeup is probably the most annoying thing of all. I understand why some women just don’t even bother. When you have terrible skin like I do, you don’t have a choice. My skin tone is so pale naturally that if I don’t wear makeup, I look ill. And the acne is just an added bonus. First, comes concealer for all the unwanted spots and dark circles, then foundation for all over the face, and bronzer/blush for some color. Then theres lashes… and lip color. I don’t wear eye shadow, but hey some women do, so lets add that to the mix! And let’s not forget that when we are too lazy to do these things ourselves, we pay someone else hundreds of dollars to do it for us. Don’t complain about your 13$ haircut, guys.
3. Picking an outfit
If only we all had a fairy god mother who could transform us into exactly what we want to look like before we leave the house. After we shower and get through the hell of hair and makeup, we need to pick what we are wearing. This isn’t just a t-shirt and sweats and sneakers. Men don’t understand this problem!! We have wayyyy too many apparel choices. We have t-shirts, sweaters, tunics, button ups, cardigans, leggings, jeggings, TREGGINGS (which I’ve just learned are trouser leggings), jeans, skirts, stockings, dress pants, and so on. Then as far as shoes, there are flats, sandals, boots, booties, sneakers, wedges… the list goes on and on!!! And we can’t forget accessories!!!… we have earrings, rings, bracelets, headbands, scarves, clips, necklaces and purses to accessorize with… Need I say more?
If I had the luxury of rolling out of bed, taking a shower, throwing on clothes and going out the door, I’d be ready in 30 minutes too guys. So just sit there, and don’t complain because we’re doing this to look good for…… all the other women in the world who go through the same exact process every day. (Yes, women try to look good to impress other women; not you)
4. Shaving/Waxing all the hair off your body
I don’t wanna hear “we shave, too” from another man. You only shave your face! That’s it! (or you should anyway) And only some of you do now that beards are all the rage!! (Men look sexier with facial hair anyway.) And PS some women have to shave their faces too.. I won’t’ even get into that. God bless those poor women.
We have to make sure we are completely hairless from our eyebrows down. It can put your in the poor house, not to mention it’s very time consuming. Women are going as far as lasering the hair permanently off their bodies nowadays. Men will never understand the anxiety of going to the gym and thinking “Oh my god I forgot to shave my armpits,” or wanting to wear your new dress and you can’t because you don’t have time to shave your legs. And let’s not forget having to coordinate your brazilian wax schedule with your sex schedule. This isn’t the 70’s. Hair is just not acceptable these days, so we wax, laser, thread and get electrolysis on every body part that grows hair except our head. I’m exhausted just talking about it and currently contemplating what I need to go before I go to Atlantic City this weekend. FML.
5. The “Slut” double-standard
I’m not a feminist or anything, but I still kind of don’t understand why it’s socially acceptable for a guy to sleep with tons of girls and girls are supposed to be these pure, goody-two-shoes virgins forever. I went on a couple dates with this guy once, and he ended things with me because I’d slept with more people than him. And believe me, I am SUCH a prude compared to most girls I know. I couldn’t believe it. He made me feel like a slut, which has literally never happened to me in my life.
Some men appreciate the experienced woman…but not in a way to be desired. I have 3 brothers who have tons of friends, so I’ve heard my share of conversations about girls. I’m sure a few of them can remember that day where they actually made me cry from the way they were talking about one particular girl. I was hormonal, so sue me. Haha (REFER BACK TO REASON #1) But yeah, it’s really not fair. In order for men to get laid, they need women!!! You wanna get some? ..then shut the fuck up and let us fulfill our needs too. Why the hell are you being hypocrites!?
In my next life, I better be a dude. I need something easy going after all this. And the worst part is, it’s only just begun. Just wait ’til pregnancy, labor, stretch marks, wrinkles and gray hair. I’ll really wanna be a dude.
Count your blessings, guys. And appreciate the women in your life a little more. You really don’t know how good you have it.