I’ll start this post by by saying, my sincerest condolences. I too have dated a fuckboy and it’s a difficult realization to come to. Although, since you haven’t yet read this post, how would you really know? Luckily, the signs are glaringly obvious, so if deep down you’ve been skeptical, let me either disprove or validate those suspicions. Let’s dive right in, shall we?
1) He’s a pussy.
There’s no room for sensitivity here. If the guy you’re dating could be characterized as a pussy, he’s a fuckboy. That’s basically the definition of the word itself. Actually the exact definition is “a weak ass pussy,” but let’s not get technical. If he would run in the opposite direction of a fight, if he doesn’t respect women but relies on his mom, or if he can’t please you in bed, congratulations. You’ve encountered a fuckboy.
2) If he plays games with you.
This was cool back when you were 17 and the guy you were talking to wore Hollister clothing and popped his collar. Does he take 4 hours to reply to a text? Fuckboy. Does he have a string of one night stands and still thinks it’s the best bro? Fuckboy. If he never has a condom on him? Fuckboy.
3) He’s too busy with his bros.
It’s always guys night out. That is until 2am when last call hits and you get hit with the “Heyyyy, what r u up to???” text. Which means he failed to take home the drunkest girl at the bar and you’re his last resort.
4) If he only ever asks for nudes.
Homeboy’s not interested in anything other than your box or tits. BYE FELICIA.
Side note on the phrase “Bye Felicia.” I use it constantly; To my boss (she’s probably going to fire me)… To my tax guy, who told me I owe money this year? Which makes zero sense to me by the way. I live in a basement apartment. That I rent from someone. I don’t even own the space and I literally live underground, like a hobbit or a groundhog. How’s it possible that money is getting taken away from me? Fuck that noise. Although, I’ve recently been informed that not paying that money back is considered “tax evasion,” so fuck me, right?… And on occasion, my dog. He’s a teacup chihuahua so he’s fairly immobile and he does this thing when I don’t pay attention to him where he bites my ankles. I’ll jump up on the couch where he can’t get me and I’ll “Bye Felicia” him. He tilts his head and makes a noise that’s akin to an exhale. Even my dog’s sick of my shit. God, I’m going to be alone forever. I should just Bye Felicia myself and be done with it. Moving on, sorry for the tangent. Although these are the harsh realities you deal with when you refuse to date fuckboys.
5) He graduated, works full-time and still lives at home.
Just no. You need your own place, minus the roommate you met on CraigsList.
6) Going to the club is still a regular occurrence.
Except he goes so often, he can’t afford to buy you drinks. He spends so much money feeding his own alcohol addiction, he can’t feed yours. #nothanks
Also in this category, he’s either rolling on molly Friday and Saturday or shoots roids the rest of the week. Fuckboy.
7) He spends more time at the gym than he does with you.
If you or your friends consider yourself a gym widow, you’re dating a fuckboy.
8) He’s unemployed.
9) If he wears Nike tube socks with Adidas sandals. Or any socks, with any sandals.
He’s a loser. And also a fuckboy.
10) He’s the one still wearing kicks at the club and hasn’t upgraded to dress shoes. Also included in this category are jerseys. They went out of style years ago. If you have a favorite player, keep it court side.
So if any of this rings bell, I hate to tell you but unfortunately, you’ve found yourself a fuckboy.
My advice to you: Dump his ass and move onto greater things.